Reviving and loosening memories of a baby you hardly knew or saw only for a short while is a painful and difficult process.

Expressing your feelings, talking about your baby, and creating as many memories as you can in a short period of time will all help this grief process. You may want to see and hold your baby and ask for tangible remembrances, such as footprints, pictures or a lock of hair.

We encourage you to make all decisions concerning your baby's burial together with your partner. You may wish to have a funeral or memorial service, or have your baby cremated. you may want to name your baby, choose poems to be read, and choose an outfit for him/her to wear.

Other suggestions are to plant a tree in remembrance of your child or ask other siblings to give a special toy to be placed in the casket with the baby. Several H.A.N.D. members have had artists create a special portrait using photographs or descriptions.

Delaying the ceremony so that the mother may attend often prevents resentment later on.

These memories may be bittersweet, but they will help make your experience more real and easier to accept, and they will help create concrete memories for you to hold on to. These memories will be the soothing part of your mourning.